life is a highway...i wanna ride it all night long

Can you tell i've been studying sociology? Particularly Marx, economics, and the environment? Yeah, I figured I wasnt writing enough about it in my paper so here's another 100 words or so. Shit i really hate being alone in this hell-hole they call a library. Well, i am surrounded by asians and noisy gum-chewing hippies, but having this giant table to myself is sure lonely.

I'm in a freaking rut. Maybe it's because i'm stressed out to the MAXXX and its taking a toll on my sanity, or maybe its the fact that i want a boyfriend for some stupid reason. Why is it that everything comes all at once? All of a sudden i'm hit in the face by a brick. A brick filled with homework, reading, health worries, financial worries, GPA worries, pretty much a whole lot of worries which then lead to nausea (only my least favorite sensation)

I'm torn between feelings of excitement with graduation growing closer, and feelings of sadness because the so-called "best years of my life" are coming to a close and the most amazing friends that i have ever made will soon be dispersed throughout the state/country/world. I hope i can come up with something amazing to do after my figure-shit-out-phase. Maybe just flee the country, live in a mud hut, volunteer at an orphanage and eat mangoes with salt and pepper. yea, sweet.

Shit, usually writing this all down makes me feel better but i think its only scaring me more. My mouth tastes like old, shitty coffee and my hands are purple from the cold air beating down on this godforsaken desk. What an underprivileged live i lead eh? I like how i'm bitching about all this in the midst of my paper on worker exploitation in mexico and china. I'm an ass.

wow i forgot what it was like to not be stressed every second of every day. It's sunny and gorgeous and i'm pretty damn happy at the moment, i havent even taken my meds for probably 2 weeks or more and i feel surprisingly normal! i'm afraid to go off them forever though, although i would love to never take an antidepressant ever again. I want to read and lay in the sun, yeah that sounds magical, then maybe move some more stuff over to the new place. GOD i'm excited to be completely moved in!!! i cant wait to decorate and cook! and i cant wait for the portland ikea to open!!!! eeee!!! july 26th just isnt soon enough.

i also almost forgot how great it is to drive a stick...and driving in the sun, and driving in general. funny how excited i get about shit like this.


ok, time to go fry in the blazing heat.

memorial day weekend! For the past 2 years memorial day weekend has been a blast and i dont think this year will disappoint. The plan is to go camping in Florence on Friday and Saturday with a huge group of awesome people, me, jess, shira, bryanna, cam, ian, fletch, taran, anne...und so weiter... Kegs are probable and beer and drugs are a neccessity. Why is sleeping outside and getting fucked up such an amazing combo? I havent gone camping for probably a year and i'm STOKED. The weather is supposed to be gorgeous as well...

This week is slowly draaaaagging on and i just cant wait to get the hell outta town! I still have to get through one exam, one essay, and two shifts of work but i'll live

bahhhh i just got back from tuesday trivia night at max's! it was a blast...i really only thought i'd stay till about 10:30 or 11, but then we ended up shutting the bar down around 2 am. I have a damn quiz tomorrow so i have to get up early to study for it, but it was well worth the impromptu fun that i had tonight. So here i lay, lap top in bed, and hiccups to keep me awake. Both alarms are set, 9 am and 9:15, just to piss me off enough to wake the hell up. I dont even care about school tomorrow, all i know is that i had a great time tonight and i dont care what comes of it. Bad grade, good grade, i dont care right now...maybe that's the beer talking. I really did pace myself tonight, i'm at a good drunk place, not plastered, not buzzed, perfect, but with hiccups.

this is random and uninteresting, so i will stop it here...

riiiiiight aboooooout.....now.

you know how one blemish can ruin your entire day? well that day is today...may 7th 2007. Today is also ruined because i didnt finish my digital arts project and now i have to turn it in late and get a 10% deduction from the grade...god, even though its absolutely gorgeous outside i just cant shake this shitty feeling. I want to curl up in bed and sleep, or maybe lay out in the sun and sleep, as long as i'm alone. It's weird, how sometimes you want to BE alone but don't want to FEEL alone...those are two very different things.

i had a dream that i ate a coke/heroin laced raspberry...it was weird.

plus I'm pretty excited for CINCO DE MAYO! Steph bought 4 half gallons of jose cuervo and we are gonna make hellllla margaritassss!

welp...another term, another MIDTERM and i'm ready to reach into my skull with a spoon and eat my mushy brains. I'm SO over this whole "school" thing. I feel like i say this every 10 weeks or so, but seriously all the shit surrounding me lately makes it that much harder to care about my education. I have so much weight on my shoulders and I dont think it will be lifted until at least summer.

It's so hard to study when no one is around to study with...living with two people that NEVER STUDY or do homework makes it even harder. I probably should go to the library but the thought of sitting at a giant table alone makes me want to puke a little.

I dont give a shit about linguistics! arghahalagalagalagaaa!

i want to go out for brits 21er tomorrow night, but i really should be good and do homework. Grrr...i need to do some catch up before the concert on thursday as well...blhahahakfjkdjavkjakvjdkavjervjrkafjakvj kdalvjdk;ajgaijgvrbhkagj

thats how i feel right now...jfkdl;agkdajgbkldjv'la

gahhhh, today was LOOONG and painful. A lot of walking allll over campus in the rain. I thought it was SPRING term for heaven's sake. I have no motivation to do anything, I'd rather stare at my red wall than do any kind of reading or computer science

alert <"vomit">

so basically this is another one of those days when livejournal is the best solution...writing about how much this sucks and not actually doing anything about it...sounds perfect. I'm also pretty upset about the zits on my face at the moment, damn period zits, they getcha every month..and they're painful. i bet everyone is really excited to know this.

prompt <"zit">

sooo yeah, i'm basically looking forward to the weekend pretty hard. There's a B.E.T. party at cams on saturday, and i've already got my outfit picked out, god i'm LAME, but i'm gonna look pretty ghetto in my jam squad camo pants, awesome. I spent practically 2 hours trying on shit and posing in front of the mirror. I think that's what happens when all your friends are either abroad or have better things to do. Ha...anyway i'm probably boring the hell out of you, if you even got this far...


oh oh oh...before i forget, the property management found tofu in our house AGAIN (they came in over spring break when no one was home) and this time they took PICTURES of him, and later sent the pictures to us with a letter saying that we need to clean, get rid of the dog, change the locks back, and fix the doors (which were bashed in when we moved in) at this point i'm ready to say fuck it and leave this fucking house...GOD I CANT CLEAN THIS SHIT HOLE BY MYSELF! anyway, i'm kind of numb to the whole thing now, and i've quit caring, its just disrespectful...

There's something about hearing your dad cry over the phone that really strikes a chord... The virginia tech shooting today is such a tragedy, the deadliest shooting in US history. I've been watching the news a lot today, the majority of the killing happened in a german classroom of about 25 students, almost all of them died. My dad called me, worried and crying. Something like this could seriously happen anywhere, it makes me sick. Why does this shit keep happening in this country??? No where else in the world has such a problem with school shootings, or shootings in general. Its disgusting. I just keep picturing myself in german one day, and someone coming in and killing almost the entire class. Shit's scary.

my German GTF is soooooooooo cute! He's hot in a really cute foriegn way, his accent is so adorable and he has amazing dark features...I dont know if his adorableness is a good or bad thing, i could just sit and listen to him talk all day. Ahhhh finally after all these terms of college I get a hot GTF. Hooray, i now have motivation to speak German.

Also, I am really kind of excited for my linguistics class...i have never taken linguistics, but I think it's going to be really interesting. Hopefully this class will make up for the hell that I will suffer through while taking Computer Science...BARF

Anyway, I have a ton of time to kill between class and work...I'm so excited to see my little kiddies! Graeme and Emma N. are going to give me big toddler hugs :) Just what I need

Today i spent over 2 hours on the phone with dell and microsoft trying to set up Word, and my printer...It turns out i already had the Microsoft office software but i'm a fucking idiot and didnt realize it...its a long story, but i am ready to rip my hair out. Also i cant connect my printer to my computer until mid April for some damn reason and I lost the disc to reinstall the printer so i'm just allllll fucked and annnnoyed to shit!!!!!!!!! Plus i dont even want to leave my room becuase our house is so contaminated and absolutely wretched. I cleaned up the GIANT pile of cigarette butts this morning and took out the trash in the upstairs bathroom, but that's as far as i'm going today...i cant handle it. I want to move out TODAY...

i cant even print out applications for new places thanks to my fucking printer...

on a good note, i talked to megs today. I'm glad you're feeling better hun :)

also, tonight is Danny Brays 21er...i'm so NOT in the mood to drink, but i might force myself to at least hang out at max's for a bit...we'll see...

class bright and early tomorrow at 10 am. BARF.

A terrible start to a terrible term.

I didnt get into the digital arts program

what the fuck do i do now????????????

looks like sociology or some bullshit, and only because it has the fewest major requirements

I am ready to jump of a cliff right about now, i hate this house, i hate this university, now i have to change around my entire work and school schedule for next term....and i thought everything was going so well...

wow, i was wrong

nothing could be more wrong right now.

i am such a joke, i feel like coming to UO was a complete waste of my time, now i have absolutely no direction and no major that i even come CLOSE to completing in the next year. Yeah, sure i'll get a minor in Multimedia, but i could give a shit about that right now. I hate how sure i was that i'd get in, just becuase i got into the art school...i feel like an idiot, and am pretty convinced that i am doomed to be a social worker with a shitty paying, no-respect job. Today is now ruined, and the days to come as well...

*edit* 2:32

After talking to my mom awhile i have come to realize how even MORE screwed i really am. If i want to actually pursue this digital arts thing i will probably transfer to PSU...i really dont think i could handle leaving all of my friends (and moving back in with my parents), but i guess i have to make an important and difficult decision, god since when did life get so hard?

The ducks lost...it was a good game though. We played hard and made florida work for the win. The 8th best team in the country is still fucking awesome. I feel bad for Tujuan Porter though...his 3 pointers were way off and the poor kid probably thinks he lost the game for us...which is kinda true. It's funny, i usually couldnt care less about sports, but when it comes to the ducks its a whole different story. Its 2:30 and i'm still sitting in my pajamas watching the Georgetown/UNC game ahhhh it feels good to relax. I think i might shower soon and maybe drive to ross and shop around a bit...i'm hoping to get a massage later this week too...yeah, that sounds perfect.

megs, you're leaving today and i love you...i'm scared to go back to an empty room at the 573, but i guess i'll get used to it, I know you're scared to death as well. Write often, and we will talk soon :)

holy god...i think my favorite part about finals week is when it is about 11:45 pm at the library...the same janitor runs around (literally), loudly emptying trash cans and pushing around another giant trash can, while listening to music so loudly you can tell what songs are playing...its also great when he rolls the vaccuum right between the chairs at your table. No matter where you are in the library, there he is... 11:45 on the dot. I want to talk to him one day....one day.


ALSO I HATE IT WHEN THE BITCH ON THE LOUD SPEAKER ANNOUNCES THAT "THE FRONT DESK WILL CLOSE IN 15 MINUTES, ONLY UO STUDENTS MAY REMAIN IN THE BUILDING, PLEASE HAVE YOUR UO ID READY...BLAH BLAH BLAH" THAT ANNOUNCEMENT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME EVERY TIME.

thinking about next term puts me in a foul mood...i know it will go by quickly, probably faster than this term did, but god it's gonna be weird when one of your best friends is not there...megs, reading your post suddenly made all of this a reality. I had such a blast last night, having all of us together at rennies (and nate! yay!) and being practically the only ones in the bar. Cry-fest aside, it was great. Drunken pool and free key lime pie shots... perfect. and yeah, i loved the bartender and how he kept calling me crotch, oh how that nickname has evolved. I hate that my eyes are welling up in the middle of the library and that the back of my throat is all tight.

i better do productive things now and learn about Germany and how fucked up it is...

a really nice one....god tonight was random. Rennies had a surprise party for a married couple going on upstairs and this random armenian guy sat down to talk to me and jess and bryanna...so anyway, i met this guy david, through the armenian guy, who's name i have already forgotten due to drunkenness i suppose...well, david is a sweet guy, and waaaay cute, but he seems a bit timid for me, i like 'em loud, and confident. I just wonder what will happen when/if he calls me...hes a grad student also, so probably a bit older, but god he's cute...bahhhhhhh so anyway, we drunkenly stumbled to jamesons and had a few beers, accompanied by irish music, since it was after midnight (and technically st. patties day). I'm excited to be a lazy asshole tomorrow...i just wanna lay in bed all day and watch tv, i might have to go to this dance clinic bullshit though...we'll see. I need some water and sleep, so that is what i'm gonna do, and hopefully dream of cute boys.

I'm at the library...it's 1:15 am and i'm BUZZZZZIN! Tonight was actually pretty eventful at the good ol' knight library. There are a couple of celebrity sightings to mention:

1. Bryce Taylor
2. Chamberlin Oguchi

OMGOMGOMG i'm totally distracted from my work! god i'm proud of my ducks, i just wanna go pat Bryce on the back and say "nice work buddy!"

ok, back to reality...


also...i just finished every portion my dreaded blog project (exept the presentation) i WILL survive!

i dont want to be in the library any mooooooooooore

i hate it here, i wish i were at a bar watching the ducks right now...

i wish i could breath out of my nose, and stop coughing up flem

IM SICK OF THIS BLOG PROJECT

IM SICK OF THIS TERM

I NEED A COMPUTER

I WANT TO BE IN PORTLAND

AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE

I NEED A CHANGE

AND QUICK

so last night was fun...until i started to feel like shit at the blue house, I had the worst stomach ache EVER so I started to walk home and megs, keir, and ryan met me half way...it was so sweet of them (and they even brought me a scarf...haha) anyway, after sleeping for about an hour last night i woke up and had to RUN full speed to the bathroom, but didn't make it in time, and proceeded to puke all over the floor...gross right? Then i continued to puke all night long, about every 15 mins-half hour, when finally at 7 am i was able to sleep with out puking. God it was terrible and now my entire body aches from all the dry heaving...

now i still feel shitty and have to study for a midterm and write 2 (or more) blog entries for
J 333....BLAHHHHHHHHHH being sick is the WORST

sothisishatanentylookslikehenyouSPILLMILKonyoucomputeandonlysomeofthekeysok...fuckineedanecomputebutidonthavethemoney!!!!!ughhhhalsoidontannagotothelibaytoday.vomit.isthisevenundestandable?idunno.peathout.